sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
