So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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