your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
