It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
