You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
