What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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