i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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