Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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