I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
