you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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