: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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