I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
