just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
