3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
