I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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