i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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