Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
