She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
