mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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