I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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