I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
