How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
