Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
