Screwed.edu
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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