Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
