Just cropdusted the office
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
