Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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