I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
