I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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