I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
