I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
