Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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