Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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