Will you blow on my dice?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
