Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget how to act sober
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
