I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
