Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found your dick twin last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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