xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
