imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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