You just made me feel so damn special
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
