My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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