they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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