my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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