it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
