Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
