He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
