Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
