Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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