Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
God I need to hump something, right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
