I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
