you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
