thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
