She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
