Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
