he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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