I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Randomize
