If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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