he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
