garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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