I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
