Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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