My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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