Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
