Already got asked if we're dating
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
