I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize