I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
