and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
