Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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