My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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