I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
