It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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