She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
