Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
