My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
