Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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