Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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