respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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