If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
