Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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