I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
