I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
