apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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