If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
