life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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