Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
