you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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