"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
