i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
