Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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